


We Are The Shadows

by Nixie_DeAngel



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon), Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based on Season 2, Cap-Iron Man Reverse Bang, Confusion, Dark Avengers - Freeform, Episode: s02e09 The Dark Avengers, M/M, Married Superhusbands, Mild Language, Minor Identity Porn, Secret Identity, Steve's Pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24352528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nixie_DeAngel/pseuds/Nixie_DeAngel
Summary: What am I doing here?He thinks to himself.Why….why am I standing here, tucked away from the crowds? The people? Why am I out here on the street?Glancing around once, it seemed as if no one had noticed him where he was, tucked away in the shadows of the buildings, hidden from the light and people. He felt his breath hitch, his chest tighten as his pulse started to race.What was going on?Sucking in a quick breath, he feels his mind tumble and twist before suddenly, like a wave crashing into him, he remembers where he was. And more importantly,whyhe was there.Or, The Dark Avenger's through Steve's eyes.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 61
Collections: Captain America/Iron Man Reverse Bang 2020





	We Are The Shadows

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I Do Know You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349420) by [marumo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marumo/pseuds/marumo). 



> This is my piece for the Cap-Iron Man Reverse Bang, and is apart of Team United!
> 
> I got lucky to nab one of my ALL TIME favorite Stevetony Artists, Maru's pieces this year! The art that inspired this story, can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349420) on Ao3. If you haven't before, I HIGHLY suggest giving the rest of their art a look through! It's amazing!
> 
> And you can also find a different story based off it as well, by Sparkle! You can find their story [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24347095)! You should definitely check out as well!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy what I've created based off this lovely piece of art!

* * *

_Where….what, what was going on?_

_Where am I?_

He'd been, hadn't he been off to go pick something up? No, no, that doesn't seem right but, but it did at the same time. Looking around, Steve lets himself be jostled and shuffled off the street, tucking himself into the shadows of an alleyway. Hunching over — from what he doesn’t know, and that scares, no, _no_ , that _bothers_ him, not scares him, _bothers_ him — he brings his hands up and scrubs roughly at his face. 

_What….what the hell had just happened?_ What _was going_ on _?_

Glancing around, he feels his lips twist down in confusion, his brow furrow deep. He blinks once, twice, and then again before flicking his eyes this way and that, as if he was waiting for the answer to what had just happened to him would appear to him from thin air.

 _What am I doing here?_ He thinks to himself. _Why….why am I standing here, tucked away from the crowds? The people? Why am I out here on the street? What's happening?_

Glancing around once, it seemed as if no one had noticed him where he was, tucked away in the shadows of the buildings, hidden from the light and people. He felt his breath hitch, his chest tighten as his pulse started to race.

What _was going on?_

Sucking in a quick breath, he feels his mind tumble and twist harshly before suddenly, it feels like a wave crashing into him, as he remembers perfectly where he was. And more importantly, _why_ he was there in the first place.

He’d heard rumors from the underground network that the villainous Iron Man had been planning to attack the good citizens of New York City, to take on the Squadron Supreme by himself, and Steve? Well, he’d been curious to see how his fellow villain would fare against the Earth’s supposed mightiest heroes. 

To see if the other would fight as good as the world seemed to think he did.

And maybe, just maybe he’d let his wanting of the other to cloud his judgement, to let himself seek the other out in broad daylight. A mistake on his part, he knew. After all, The Captain had gone to great pains and lengths to keep his identity an actual kept _secret_. 

Unlike how some of the others in the community did. Those who found themselves thrown in jail every other week, their lives a constant distribution. 

He couldn’t afford to live his life like that. 

_Wouldn’t_ live his life like _that_. Like something to be chased and hunted by the police. Shunned from society like he was _beneath_ it because he didn't enjoy following the rules they doled out, demanding everyone conform and follow.

Oh no, he would not make the mistakes others did and let his secret identity get out. Let his life crumble around him.

Steve Rogers would be a _secret_ that stayed hidden away from the world.He refused to live his life hounded and hunted by those who claimed to believe in justice and peace. No, Steve wouldn’t be that stupid, wouldn’t do that to himself. He was, afterall, playing the long game, he thought with a smirk as he began to straighten up. 

Besides, Steve Rogers had a husband to keep safe, after all. 

He couldn’t let his darling Tony find out who he was _truly_ married to. 

Because he _knew_ if Tony ever found out, he'd leave him, and Steve _knows_ it's selfish and cruel but, but Tony was his _light_ , his safe haven. He couldn't give the other up. He _wouldn't_.

He’d be damned before he let the world take his love away.

Though, thinking of his genius, he felt his gut twist in shame as he moved to lean back against the brick building he’d tucked himself into the shadows of. He knew it was right, or fair, to Tony to be so infatuated with Iron Man. 

But...but he couldn’t help himself to be drawn to the other villain.

Which is why he was here, to watch and learn. To find out who the other was and get this….whatever it was out of his system so that Tony was the only man to occupy his thoughts. Yes. That’s what he’d do. He’d find out, and then the mystery and the — he refused to acknowledge it as some type of _yearning_ — _whatever_ feeling the villain invoked within him, would go away. Yes, that’s what would happen.

Nodding to himself he got comfortable and settled into wait, ready to move at a second's notice if needed, depending on how the fight played out.

He doesn’t know how long he stays tucked in the shadows before he begins to hear a low rumble, the creaking of metal and steel, but eventually he does. As he moves to stand tall, he feels the ground begin shaking, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees the streetlights shake, just seconds before the buildings around them do as well.

He keeps his eyes flickering this way and that before the yapping and snarling of a dog draws his attention to the middle of the street, where a little girl bends to pick up her small dog. 

He doesn’t know why but he finds himself jerking forward, as if wanting to go _save_ her before he reminds himself it’s not his job to, that he’s a _villain_ and he hurts people, doesn’t _save_ them. And even if he _did_ , doing so would draw attention to himself, would put his secret in jeopardy.

It would put _Tony_ at risk.

Sneering at himself, Steve shook his head, focusing back in time to see Hyperion swoop in to land before the girl and her animal, standing tall and proud as he saves them from the blast of the robot being blown to pieces.

Rolling his eyes as he sees the hero smile and wink, Steve can’t help but scoff at the display, _Heroes_. 

_What pompous idiots they were_ , he thought snidely as he settled into watch as Hyperion, Power Princess, Doctor Spectrum, Speed Demon — why would a hero take a name like _that_? — and Nighthawk zip, fly and move about from his hide away. They took down one robot after another, before suddenly they’d all been destroyed and the crowd was cheering on their victory.

He lets out a low hum, as he watches Hyperion float about the wreckage, as the others take on their own poses for the camera. Moments to take out four giant robots. 

_Hmmm_.

Letting out a soft sigh, Steve found himself disappointed at the lack of Iron Man coming out to play himself.

 _Oh well_ , he thinks disappointedly as he rolled his shoulders, _maybe another day he’d finally be able to get rid of this unwanted hidden want he seems to have developed for the other villain_. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he begins to ready himself to disappear in the crowd that would surely be dispersing soon. 

Suddenly though, he sees Hyperion shoot his atomic vision at _something_ , that causes him to go still as he watches Nighthawk let out a reprimand just before some sort of force field erupts around the Squadron, pulling them in, pulling them together as it encases them in some type of force bubble. He finds himself watching curiously as they seem to struggle to break free from whatever it is that keeps them in. 

_Interesting_ , he thinks, _very interesting_ , as he keeps watching until the sounds of Iron Man’s repulsors fills his ears and maniacal laughter dances down his spine, making his head snap up until his eyes watch the man in black and gold descend on the crowded street.

Steve shifts back, tucking himself further into the shadows and settles in to watch, because after all isn’t _he_ why Steve is out here, breaking his own personal rules of his villainous identity?

He shakes off the feeling of shame and self hate, the feeling as if he’s _betraying_ his husband somehow, and forces himself to think analytically, because the sole reason to be here, to be _watching_ is for _no_ other reason, than to see what Iron Man is truly capable of. To see if maybe they’d mesh well. Because, after all, Steve will need allies to deal with the Squadron Supreme once and for all.

Snapping himself out of his thoughts, he forces himself to catch back up to what’s happening, just in time it seems, as the heroes have finally broken free of their bonds.

Now to see what Iron Man is truly made of.

 _His aim_ , Steve thinks, _could use some work_ , as he watches the man shoot wide as he tries to keep track of Speed Demon. And he needs to be better aware of his surroundings, he adds mentally as he watches the Princess of Power land a hit that sides Iron Man sailing through the air, encompastated long enough Nighthawk is able to use one of his gadgets to tie the man up and swing him straight into Hyperion’s chest.

Wincing slightly, at the sound of metal scraping across cement, Steve lets himself feel bad for a second because he knows personally how it feels to be slammed into Hyperion. Shaking his head, he lets out a sigh, clearly Iron Man is _not_ all what he’d been hyped up to be within the villains community.

 _What a shame_ , he thinks absently as he watches Hyperion spew something and bend down to peel away Iron Man’s mask, maybe he’d check out the Black Widow next. _Oh well, hopefully…_. he starts to think, only to trail off in his head as his eyes widen and his heart stops because, because inside the Iron Man suit was….was.

“Tony Stark,” Hyperion says, almost snidely, as he holds the face mask in his hand, triumphantly like some sort of a trophy, and smirks darkly down at the captured man.

That was...that was Tony, in the Iron Man armor.

 _His_ Tony.

That was. 

That meant. 

_Tony_ was Iron Man.

That was...oh, _oh_ , he thinks as he stares dumbly out at nothing, barely paying attention as the Squadron Supreme surrounds his husband.

Oh, he didn't have to feel guilt about being intrigued by Iron Man. He didn't have to war with himself, _hate_ himself for feeling, for _wanting_ the other, because he was already _married_ to him.

 _Not the time_ , he chastises himself, shaking his head and moving to ready himself, because damn his rules and damn his secrets because _all_ that mattered right in this moment was getting Tony freed and away from the Squadron. 

He’d deal with the consequences of outing himself to the world as The Captain later.

Only, he finds he doesn’t need too as Tony lets out a chest blast from his suit, propelling himself backwards and away from Hyperion, his lips curling into a smirk just before his mask settles back into place. As he stills himself, watching — _waiting_ just in case Tony needed him after all — he settles in to watch the rest of the fight play out.

Only….only something, strange happens. Frowning he watches as Iron’s repulsor blast mixes with one from Doctor Spectrum and...and _something_ strange happens. 

Steve only stays long enough to see _himself_ through the orange colored haze of _whatever_ it is, along with the other six public enemies most wanted criminals, but in the madness that erupts as Iron Man fights to get away, Steve himself slips away to think. He lets himself look back once he's made it down the street, just in time to see Tony, er, Iron Man fly off safely from.

* * *

Steve finds himself wandering around, aimlessly walking until he finds an abandoned building in his old neighborhood in Brooklyn. Breaking in and climbing until he reaches the roof, he lets everything hit him at once as he drops down, landing harshly on his knees.

Because....because…because holy….holy shit, Steve thinks, his light, his safe haven, his guiding star, _his_ tony was...was the villain Iron Man.

A bubble of hysterical laughter slips from between his lips.

He’d spent _weeks_ feeling like fretting over this growing... _something_ — he _refused_ to give the feeling a name — he felt for Iron Man and he was already married! To him!

Ha!

Hunching forward, he goes to take a breath but finds himself letting out a harsh, broken sob instead as he curls in on himself. He bites at his lip until it’s bloody, but he doesn’t let another sound escape him, keeps himself locked tight and still. Lets himself stew in his misery for a long moment, but eventually, Steve pulls himself together, makes himself crawl over to lean up against the ledge on the building. 

He only comes back to himself, when his phone dings, letting him know he’s got a message waiting for him. Shifting around, he pulls it out and notes that Tony’s sent him exactly one text message: _I can explain, please let me explain_ everything _before you decide to hate me forever_.

Damn right you can, Steve thinks harshly before letting out a snort as he chides himself, because really it isn’t exactly _fair_ of him to be upset. For him being upset that Tony was hypocritical, because really, he'd never told the other man the truth either.

Because, after all, he was in exactly the same boat as his husband. Only, he hadn’t been outed by the Squadron Supreme in full view of crowds with phones primed and ready to take videos.

After staring at the words for a long moment, he sends back: _As can I, my love. Where are you?_

He doesn’t have to wait long before Tony’s sending him an address and directions on how to find the entrance to his Iron Man hideout, with a plea to come and talk, before he sends dozens of question marks, asking what Steve means by Steve can explain. Instead of answering the numerous questions Tony sends him, Steve simply sends off: _I’ll be there_.

He debates for only a few seconds about checking the internet, before deciding instead to simply turn his phone off. He holds it for a long moment, staring at the blank screen. God, what _would_ he say to Tony? How do they come back from something like this?

How do _they_ make the Squadron Supreme _pay_ for what they’ve done?

So many questions, and _far_ too little time, Steve thinks.

Crushing his phone, he lets the pieces of broken tech tumble from his palm and scatter across the rooftop.

First things first, he supposes, is to face Tony and come clean together. Then, after they’ve yelled and raged, then they could decide how to go about navigating this problem of theirs.

 _Together_.

He knows it’s cowardly, but he takes his time going to Tony’s... _secret lair_. 

God, he can’t believe his husband _has_ a secret lair, he thinks with a strained chuckle that he quickly swallows down before it can pass his lips. 

Rolling his eyes fondly, Steve lets himself slip in, knowing JARVIS has spotted him, because there’s no way he’d have been able to slip past Tony’s secret otherwise. Making his way through the warehouse, he slips through the door Tony had indicated too in his first text, then down the stairs. Coming to the bottom, instead of turning right into what is technically supposed to be the warehouse's only basement, Steve turns left, pulling on the light fixture before stepping back as a passage opens up in the wall. Striding through quickly, he feels a bit better as he hears the wall close up behind him.

Tony always did like to secure _his_ things with secret tunnels and such things, it was the little kid in him coming out to play, he’d explain it once when he’d built a secret passageway from their master bedroom in the mansion to both the gym — the one Tony had custom built for Steve has a wedding gift when they’d married all those years ago — and Tony’s private lab, where he tinkered and invented SI’s tech when he was at home.

Slipping down the stairs, and through a tunnel, he found himself coming out into a wide, open space. Glancing around, Steve could see Tony moving about in the upper portion of his “lair”. Biting back the urge to chuckle, he quietly moves through the space. As he moves to go up the steps, he drops his shield down next to the bottom of the stairs, before trotting up them quietly.

Moving to lean up against the metal railing, Steve crosses his arms over his chest and watches as Tony, now out of his black and gold armor, dressed in a suit — he wonders idly, if Pepper or Rhodey knew before this morning that Tony was Iron Man, not that it truly matters now, he thinks — move from his keyboard, over to the large TV. 

The whole world knows Tony Stark, former CEO of Stark Industries was Iron Man, one of the world's most wanted criminals, so Steve supposes it doesn’t really matter if Tony’s eldest friends had known his secret or not. 

“Okay, JARVIS, we’ve got the trap set for Widow, Thor and Hulk,” Tony announces as he steps back from his keyboard. “Now to find the little hacker, a.k.a Falcon, and that _thief_ Hawkeye,” he adds around a hum. “How to get to _them_?” 

“Falcon’s getting out of his last college class in an hour,” Steve answers, though he knows Tony wasn’t really looking for one anyway. He lets his lips curl up into a half smirk, as he watches his husband let out a shriek and spin awkwardly on his heel to stare wide-eyed at him.

“ _Steve_ ,” Tony breathes out, his shoulders sagging. “You came.”

Frowning, Steve pushes off the railing with his hip to move towards the desk filled with computer monitors. “I said I would, Tony.”

Chuckling almost nervously, Tony nodded twice, “Yeah, but, well, I mean. I’d have _understood_ if you decided not too.” Snapping his mouth shut, Tony moves to fiddle with his hands as Steve watches him with a furrowed brow. “I mean, it’s not every day you find out your husband of almost ten years is the villain known as Iron Man.”

Steve watches, and waits a beat before nodding once, as if he’s agreeing with Tony and not about to drop his own landmine. “I imagine it’ll probably feel a lot like finding out your husband of nine and a half years is The Captain.” He forces himself to keep his eyes on Tony, he wants to memorize the anger and sadness and disbelief that’ll flutter across his husband’s face when Steve’s words sink in.

But...but that doesn’t happen. 

No, what actually happens is that Tony swallows with a small nod of his head and he began to babble, “Um. Yeah. See, uh, light of my life, I, I may have, um, figured that out, uh, last year? Right before I went to that tech conference in Japan?”

“You’ve known for a _year_ I’m The Captain?” he asks dubiously. “Why the hell didn’t you say something?” He explodes loudly as he advances, moving until Tony’s forced to back up against his desk, almost leaning back over it, with Steve matching him movement for movement as he leans over Tony’s body, though he does tone down, keeps himself from yelling as he continues on. “All this time, we could have been working together, working together to stop the Squadron! And you’ve just been sitting on the knowledge?” They breath heavily together for a moment, before Steve watches as Tony's brown eyes alight with a fire — God, Steve couldn't help think abstractly, his husband looked down right _divine_ as he seemed to come back to himself. 

“Hey,” Tony finally snaps, eyes narrowing, his hands snapping up to rest against Steve's chest, “You don’t get to be mad, okay? I was waiting for _you_ to tell _me_ !” He moves to attempt to push Steve back, but only really sways him. “You’ve had _copious_ opportunities over the years to say, ‘Hey babe, I’m the famous villain The Captain!’ but you haven’t! So you don’t have a real leg to stand on here, Steven!”

“I’ve been trying to keep you _safe_ , Tony!”

“So have I, you _idiot_!”

Breathing heavily, they continue to glare at each other before Steve lets out a snort, one Tony echoes only a second later. Then they both break down into laughter, moving to wrap themselves around the other, with Tony moving to sit on the desk, and Steve moving to step fully between his spread legs. They simply laugh together, for a quiet moment, swaying together as their chuckles die down to nothing, simply holding one another.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

Eventually they pull apart enough, to where Tony can slip his hands up to rest on Steve’s shoulders, but only after he tugs Steve's cowl down, so he can see his husband's face clearly; while Steve moves to wrap his hands around Tony’s hips. Moving, they rest their foreheads against one another, and simply breathe the other in for another moment, when Tony speaks up. “You said Falcon was getting out of class soon?”

“Yeah,” Steve rumbles softly. “He’s a college student. Bit of a hothead and a genius,” he snorts, sharing a small grin with Tony. “I’ve been keeping tabs on him for the last few months.” Pulling back, Steve twists his face up in confusion for a moment. “You set a trap for Widow, Hulk and Thor. Tony, are you thinking of pulling the notorious seven together?”

“Yes?”

Pursing his lips together, Steve let his mind wander for a moment. “This is because of what you say when your repulsor mixed with Spectrum’s powers, isn’t?”

“Wait, what. You saw that?” Tony asks before squeezing Steve’s shoulders tightly, his eyes going wide and round as he breathes out, “Oh my God, Steve were you _there_ this morning when I fought the Squadron Supreme?”

Shifting, almost guilty, Steve nodded once with a wince. “I was checking out Iron Man. I’ve been thinking of asking for a team up to take on the squad of heroes.”

Steve watches Tony warily for a moment, as his husband reigns himself in, before he asks in a slightly stilted voice, “Which is why you know that Falcon’s in college.”

“Yes,” Steve nods firmly. “I’ve been toying with it for a few months now. I’d heard from the network you were planning an attack today. So I thought it would be the perfect time to see you in action up close. See how you tested against our enemies.” 

Snorting, Tony rolled his eyes, “Of course you did, and would.” Shaking his head, he sent Steve a smile. “Well, this’ll make it easier then. I’ll go fetch Falcon, and then Hawkeye — I’m sure it won’t be hard to find him breaking in somewhere to steal _something_ — and then we’ll go collect the other three.”

“And what should I be doing?” Steve asks, raising a brow in question.

“Reviewing the footage I took from today's fight, obviously, honey-buns.” Tony moves forward to press a kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth, before grinning brightly at him. “Also. I don’t think we’re meant to be villains,” he adds before darting off. "See you at the time and place, love you!"

Steve frowns, brows furrowing as he turns to watch Tony runoff, yelling about time tables and irritating thieves. 

Not meant to be _villains_? Meant to be _heroes_? 

What was Tony _talking_ about?

* * *

Steve finds himself staying in Tony's lair, even long after he's left, just standing there frowning, before he tilts his head to the side and looks up to asks in an even voice. “JARVIS, can you play the footage from Tony’s fight this morning.”

“Of course, Captain.”

Steve feels his lips twitch in an aborted smirk, and shakes his head as he moves over to see that JARVIS has brought up the footage of when things went — well, to use a Tony term — wonky and he watches as the video plays out fully once.

“Are they...?” he starts to ask but trails off, staring — squinting — at the screen before him. “Can you zoom in on the crowds? And then play it back again?” He watches the crowd closely, before letting out a low whistle. “They aren’t cheering on the Squadron Supreme, they’re cheering on _us_ ,” he murmurs. “We aren’t the villains, we’re the _heroes_ there. The crowds cheering us on. Calling us Avengers.”

“It would appear so, Captain,” JARVIS agrees after a moment, as if he'd reviewed the data himself before agreeing with Steve's assessment.

Letting out a low hum, Steve stares, letting his mind wander as he ponders this new piece of information.

He’d been wanting to get a team together to take out the Squadron. But...but he’d never really planned beyond that. Because, because it didn’t matter, to him, no matter what he’d spent the day telling himself, because what _mattered_ was that the Squadron was taken down, taken _out_.

Huh.

Looking up at the monitors, Steve asks, “Does Tony have a spare phone in here, JARVIS? I, uh, I _accidentally_ broke mine earlier today?”

“Sir keeps extras in the cabinet next to the bottom of the stairs, Mr. Stark-Rogers. Might I suggest you hurry? So as you’ll be on time to join the others, when you are expected too?” JARVIS answered, voice just _this_ side of pointed.

“Thanks, JARVIS.”

After — once they’ve come together as a team; fought and defeated the Squadron Supreme; saved the Tower from crashing into the streets of Manhattan and held up the building long enough the bots Tony put into place can get to work to reattach it — Steve lets himself find an empty room to hide in. To take a breath and… and _deal_ with everything that's happened in the last twelve hours.

Letting out a laugh that tinges on just on this side of hysterical, Steve clamps his lips together, squeezes his eyes shut, and lets his body fold in on itself as he slides down to the floor. He doesn’t know how long he sits there before his laughter finally trails off and into sobs. But he knows it's a long while before the door opens and a body slips in to settle around him.

He jumps as arms move to wrap around him, to tilt his head to rest in the crook of a neck — Tony, by the smell of his cologne — and fingers begin to run through his dirty locks. 

He lets out another harsh sob as he moves to unwind his arms from himself to wrap tightly — but not _too_ tight, because if he doesn’t watch himself, he knows he could hurt his husband accidentally — and lets himself cry.

Sniffling every once in a while, but otherwise, Steve finds himself going quiet as he settles, still wrapped up in his husband's arms.

“Hey,” Tony eventually murmurs softly, lips brushing against Steve’s head. “You, you okay to talk now, or do you just wanna keep sitting here in the quiet?”

Steve thinks it over, he knows on one hand, he doesn’t _really_ wanna talk about it yet, about how confused he felt, going from thinking himself a villain to a hero, to a leader, to watching his _husband_ carry a bomb up into the sky before watching it explode, watching _Tony_ , his guiding light, _die_ just out of his reach to save him; wants to let it sit for the night and deal with all the fallout tomorrow. 

But, on the other hand, Steve knows letting it fester will make it worse.

“You died,” he finally whispers, voice scratchy and hoarse from his crying.”You, you _died_ and I couldn’t save you.”

“It wasn’t real, okay, honey, it wasn’t. I’m not dead. I’m alive and here. With you. Safe,” Tony rushes to reassure. 

“But I _watched_ you die, Tony. I can’t, I can’t unsee that,” Steve ignores Tony’s reassurances. Because while logically knows the other man has a _point_ , Steve still can’t _unsee_ watching the love of his life be blown up. "I can't _unfeel_ it. I know what it's like know, to lose you."

No matter if it was in an alternate reality and Tony’s perfectly safe, here with him _now_. Because Steve still had to watch him _die_. Had to feel that...that pain. He knew what it felt like now, to lose Tony. Knew what it _would_ feel like for the future as well. It'd was _always_ going to be there to haunt him.

He feels, more than sees or hears, Tony's breath hitch at his words.

Which make him feel bad, because he doesn't want to make Tony hurt, but he also _needs_ get him to understand that Steve is still reeling from what he had to watch.

"There's," Tony starts but cuts himself off to swallow thickly, before trying again, "There's not much I can really say here, Steve, besides I'm here _now_ , it's all I've got. I'm sorry."

"Don't," Steve nearly snaps as he pulls back from Tony quickly, brow furrowing — even as his eyes water. "Don't apologize. I _know_ you had to make a difficult choice and you did what you thought you _needed_ too. Okay? I do know that. Here," he uncurls one had to tap his head, before moving it to tap his heart, "But here is still reeling a bit. I'm gonna, I'm gonna need a while before I can, can be okay with what you did."

Tony simply stares at him for a long moment before nodding slowly. "I understand, honey-buns, I do. Take all the time you need, okay?"

"OKay," Steve croaks, before burying his face back in the crook of Tony's neck. "Can, can you sit here for a bit longer before we go to bed?"

"Of course we can. We can sit here for as long as you need us too."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Nixie! You can find me where I post the things I [create](https://nixies-creations.tumblr.com/), or at my main blog [here](http://nixie-deangel.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
